“We have to remember is that we can still do anything. We can change our minds, we can start over. The notion that it’s too late is comical. It’s hilarious. We can’t, we must not lose this sense of possibility because in end, it’s all we have”
I’m pretty much certain that if the title of this post wouldn’t contain words such “old life” or “behind” no one would raise an eyebrow. I could have not chosen better words to express a change as these words pretty much define my life choice right at this moment or what I have decide to make of it.
As it happens too often, small words have big meanings. This is just not the title of my new post, this involves so much more; a personal choice, a choice to be happier, to embrace freedom, to be forced to make decisions and be brave, a choice to wake up to the world and be curious, to be appreciative and humble.
It took me a while to make a decision; changes are not often easy and it is commonly known that the unknown represents uncertainty, maybe a change is for the better but also maybe it could be for the worse and honestly, who wants to head to something bad? It takes us a long time to build a life that it makes us proud, sometimes all we do is just dream with it. We go through the years searching for something better, often this concept of better leading us to routine and boredom; concepts where we often build our lives around.
I am guilty of being stuck in a comfortable life, of being dependent and addict to a salary, with the false idea that a job can provide you with people’s respect and growth, with being evolved by a consumerism that blinds.
I have gone through years feeling deeply frustrated. When I first started to feel that way, it did not take me long to guess why I was experiencing those feelings filled up with negativity. I suppose like many other people, I chose to ignore them and looked only ahead scared that eventually I would be left with no other option but to face them.
But they are like discreet companions that they stay with you often, sometimes is not too obvious that they are there, other times however they punch you hard in the face.
I suppose they punched me hard and long because I took a long look at them and I could no longer ignore that I was living a life that I was proud of. Where was my dignity by ignoring the obvious?
I believe there are no clear symptoms to recognise when this happens. I can only tell you that more often than not I felt empty and I could see life happening right next to me like a train that couldn’t reach. While I am not any sort of life coach, I can honestly say that I knew that the only way I could recover my life, my dignity and also my happiness was to go back to basics. With that strong idea in mind, I decided that I am not too old, too poor or too tired to start from zero and leave my old life behind.
I told everyone and everything that attached me to my unhappy life that I was leaving. Some were shocked, others sceptical, others concerned and many, many expressed admiration for deciding to break free. Today I have about three weeks left to fly into my new life.
And I don’t know where I will be going, what I will be doing, where I will try to establish myself. I don’t even know if I have enough money or willingness to last me long. But I have make a decision with myself; I will not worry sick for something that has not even happened yet, I will not let my insecurities destroy my happiness, I will follow my instincts and go through the next few months like if there isn’t a tomorrow. I won’t have regrets, I’ll fall in love as much as I can, I’ll laugh as much as I can, I’ll smile to everyone who smiles at me or not, I’ll eat until I’m full and I’ll swim at night. I’ll enjoy conversations, sunrises and sunsets and I’ll appreciate my freedom as much as the fact that I’m alive.
I do not know what life has planned for me but right now only one thing matters; I’m breaking free of my old life and I can’t be happier.